On Horror Movies
“What kind of movies do you like, horror?”
The consultant asked earnestly, still maintaining awkwardly intense eye contact.
“Well yes actually…”
“It seems to be a popular genre around here.” He cut me off, still doing the crazy eye thing. I wondered, then, whether he was profiling me and had concluded that we were, in fact, an office full of potential serial killers posing as a web design agency.
Actually, I’ve been intrigued by horror movies since I was a kid. I blame that one Bollywood movie, Purana Mandir (directly translated to “old temple”), in which the scenes were always set at night in a big old house (possibly temple) with curtains flying in the wind and a demon wandering the grounds. I was maybe 5 or 6 when I watched it - my mum claims she found me sleepwalking after. For years I was petrified of it until I watched it again later in my adult life and found it to be hilarious and not scary in the slightest, but it was too late - I had already been Hooked onto Horror.
(Dun dun dun.)
I think the best horror movies are the ones with the big, haunted old house with the curtains blowing in the wind. And what gets me every time is that there’s always someone who’s willing to stay in this big, haunted old house - alone. I mean, come on lady! The curtains are billowing - that’s right, billowing, doors are opening, ceramic figurines are moving their heads, the power goes off and you do what? Go into the basement in the dark with scary old dolls sitting in the shelves, staring at you?
Hell, if my curtains were blowing in the wind and the power went off, I would get into my car and drive the hell away. But not this lady. No, this lady goes into the basement, finds the fuse box, flips a switch and then goes “oh phew - it was just a burnt fuse, nevermind those freaky doll heads laughing at me, I can go back and sleep soundly now” when the lights come back on.
Which brings me to my escape plan - because if my curtains were, in fact, billowing in the wind and the power went off and I tried to get into my car and drive away, I would, in fact, not be able to because the garage door probably wouldn’t open, or the gate for that matter. I don’t think I even know where our fuse box is, or how to work it. I better find out, you know, just in case.
And in case you were wondering, fascination with horror movies is not among the reported childhood behaviors of a serial killer - although I did exhibit a few others on that list. Hmmm…